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4 Life Lessons I Learned in Las Vegas


It’s just occurred to me that I never recounted my trip to Vegas last March.

Flying out of Bellingham, we were able to book our 3-night, 4-day trip at the Paris Hotel and Casino for $450/pp, flight inclusive.

This trip was entirely prompted by the wedding plans of a former colleague. I was set to watch them marry on the Sunday, but received news on the Wednesday, that unfortunately, one of them had been denied entry to the US. Yikes! Now, having watched a season of Border Security, I can only speculate upon the reasons that he or she was inadmissible. #lifehack: don’t plan a wedding if you’re not certain you can legally attend it yourself. While I was bummed to hear it, my itinerary was independent of the wedding party so the trip became a friendly event: myself, my boyfriend, gal pal, and two buddies.

As it turns out, the Bellingham airport is my number one pick for least cosmopolitan ‘international airport.’ Once we arrived we promptly got changed into our Fancy Holiday Clothes. For one of us, this included a top hat. The customer service agent who checked us in was so chatty that after processing everything, she cocked her head to one side and said, “Now I’m pretty sure I checked your guys’ passports. Have a great holiday!” #HomelandInsecurity.

The pub at the gate seemed a perfectly appropriate place to commence a 3-night Vegas bender.

Things that happened in Vegas, that will stay in Vegas. 

“Get me out of this city. Get me out of this country.” “Do we really need to take a limo to the airport?”

Things Learned in Vegas

Things Not to Say in a Cab
We’ve departed the airport and queued for a taxi. Luggage stowed away and all passengers  are buckled in.

Friend: “This place is nuts! Who would ever actually live here?”
Me: “Well the guy driving the cab is one such person…”

Cab Driver: “How many times have you been to Vegas?”
Everyone: “It’s our first time!!!! Yeah!”
Me: [FACE PALM] “Let’s not tell the taxi driver we’ve never been here before.” 20 minutes later we’re driving down the strip with a cab fare two times what it should be. 

Some Taxi Drivers Are Honest:
Greg and the boys were off to Old Vegas while my girlfriend and I headed to the outlet malls. Of course we would both insist our taxi drivers take the freeway, having learnt from the experience above.

Me: “So we need to come up with cover stories. You know, like how many times we’ve been here and how we gamble, blah blah blah.”
GF: “Great idea. We should be as vague as possible.”

We hailed a cab and clambered in.

Me: “Please take the freeway to the north outlet malls.”
Cab driver: “No problem.” Commences driving. “So have you ladies been here before?”
Me: “Uh…yah.”
Cab: “Great. How any times?”
Me: “Oh I dunno. A couple times.”
Cab: “Hunh? When where you here last?”
Me: “Little while ago.”

We were probably the weirdest patrons he had that day. Unsurprisingly he stopped trying to make conversation with us.

With great success, both parties respectively reached their destinations without incident. However, when the guys head back, their driver was extremely reluctant to take the freeway back to the Strip, purporting that there is a taxi strike and he’s on the wrong side of the picket line…so to speak. Not having any of it, Greg calls his bluff and they take off on his insisted-upon route. Well if they didn’t end up smack in the middle of a convoy of  angry, honking, demonstrating taxi cabs. Greg promptly ceded to the pleading requests of the driver to detour off the freeway. 

The original showgirl performance at Bally’s was amazing. Breakfast at Bally’s was barely palatable. Go see the show. Hot tip: most Vegas brochures have 2-for-1 coupons.

Hangry is a Real Phenomenon: 
Early Saturday morning I had eyes only for a Big Mac. I persuaded my gal pal to duck into a McDonalds with me on the way back to the hotel room.

While we were waiting in line I was taken aback when two young men started a scuffle at the counter. Wow, wow, wow folks. I grabbed my friend and took refuge near the soda fountain.  Jeez!

A couple minutes later I retrieved my burger from the counter, found a table and got to work on the burger. Eh, turns out the party of young guys at the table to our left were also Canadians. Meanwhile, the two guys sitting at the table to our right were less than charming and proceeded to give us Fancy Gals a hard time. Seriously…I just want to eat my burger…I rolled my eyes at the Canadians, to which they replied, “Is that guy bugging you?” Apparently I was strongly casting Help me! eyes because before I knew it, one of the Canadians clocked the guy. I’m talking ninja speed. I didn’t even see it go down. Frame 1: I’m looking with Help me! eyes. Frame 2: I’m looking at the jerk who was harassing me, but now he’s got a split lip. Frame 3: I look back at the Canadian table. Completely evacuated. Everyone fled. Frame 4: Jerkface is yelling, “I’m gonna sue you for that!” Frame 5: Burger.

“I can not handle this place.” #RowdyMcdonald

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