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Proof Thai Full Moon Parties are an Absolute Shit Show

Let me sum up a Thai Full Moon Party: there are a lot of dumb [expletive] people at full moon parties doing a load of stupid [expletive].

A fire rope, while highly entertaining to me, is a highly infectious idea to drunk people. Two locals stand on platforms and swing a petrol doused, flaming rope. Swinging it slow at first, they speed up until they trip the drunk foreigner. It must not have hurt enough though because many tripped.

Other flaming items included fire dancers (who will gladly light the cigarette held in your lips) and fire limbo.

You can climb the side of a building and then slide down a wet slide, landing on an inflatable wedge on the beach. Drunk people will often sit on the wedge. Need I paint the picture?

10,000+ people drinking buckets of hard liquor mixed with pop and Red Bull. In Thailand Red Bull has legit amphetamines in it too. Every bucket poured receives six straws. This means that for any given FMP, 60,000-120,000+ straws litter the beaches. More logistics: 10,000 drunk people and one public toilet (read: the beach).

Listen folks, this is probably not the best location for you to first do hard drugs or even get drunk for the first time. But in case you do there are plenty of clinics open and ‘chill areas’ for you to take refuge in when you start spinning too fast. Because the ocean is full of piss and straws, you probably don’t want to trip out in the water. You will probably die.

Walking down the beach I stopped and stared at a girl who was laying on her back in the shallows (10 inches of water?), with some guy (boyfriend?) on top of her. Her head was bobbing up and down under the surface. She looked like a plastic bag in the water. It was so not a good situation. A couple other people stopped beside me and we all exchanged the same good-Samaritan glance. Shortly thereafter a Thai local ran over and pulled them apart and out of the water.

We made a slight oversight in the amount of cash we brought with us to the beach. If we were smart we could get two buckets, some drunchies and a songthaew ride back. With the size of the crowd, novice partiers going overboard and our tight finances, we weren’t really able to get ‘into it.’ We called it a night about 2:30 a.m. FYI: taxis here are covered pick up trucks with two benches called songthaews. I was shaking my head the entire trip because everyone in our company was passed out, hitting their heads on the benches as we bumped along the road. Everyone was beyond wasted, they had just checked right out.

So should we attend another FMP, we’ve decided that we need to go with a really solid crew. More people who we feel comfortable getting lost with in this machine of a party.

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